One Cranky Wendy

[wendykh]

I am in one BAD mood.

Before I begin, let it be known in case you haven't noticed already, that I suffer from extreme insomnia. Part of my problem is that once awoken, no matter how tired I am, I cannot get back to sleep. Let it also be known that while shutting off one's phone or putting it on silent is a fabulous idea, the fact that I have fabulous children and the husband has a usually fabulous job requiring 24/7 availability precludes this. Finally, let it be known that this is not in any way directed at one specific individual, but I can count no less than NINE (9) people guilty of this in the last month.

I'm going to be blunt.
Unless someone is dead, in jail, or in the hospital (requiring either surgery, casting, or more than 10 stitches), if it's between 12 midnight and 9am, neither Pat nor I want to hear about it. This time frame shifts to 1am-11am on Friday and Saturday evenings. Texting is totally fine.

If it involves any of the words "Concordia" "meeting" "sustainability" "CFS" "security" or "mobilize," I, in particular, REALLY do not want to hear about it.

So let's do a primer.

"My grandma died. I am sad. I think I'll call Wendy."
It depends. Is your grandma over the age of 60? Oh she's 95. Did she die unexpectedly? Oh she had cancer the last ten years you say. Were you extremely close to her? Oh she hasn't recognized you in two decades and you haven't seen her in 5 years and basically want to cry to Wendy about how guilty you feel? Okay yeah that should wait until morning.

It's 3:45am and I just got a ticket for drinking in the park! FASCISTS! OMG I am calling Pat RIGHT NOW!
You do and I swear to god I will not allow him to discount your fees. And I bill around here.

Um, I just got picked up on a bench warrant for a jaywalking ticket I got in Toronto and never paid, and I have no cash, and I am totally in jail, and this sucks, and it's scary...
It's okay. I'll put you right through. This is a GOOD reason to call. I'll make you some tea. It's gonna be okay.

Concordia Security....
STFU. Hang up the phone. Just don't. We don't care and we probably will call them and thank them. Unless like, you're beat up or something. And even then you probably deserved it. And DO NOT tell me you had work to do. There is absolutely nothing needing doing at Concordia University at 2am in September.

I went to Reggie's and got super drunk and threw up all over the Java U bathroom (keepin' it classy!) and got in a fight with some fascist right winger and their bouncer totally threw me out and I'm so filing a complaint and I so think you need to know this RIGHT NOW!"
We so don't care. Not between midnight and 9am anyway. And to be brutally honest I only care at all probably to laugh at your story. I will probably call said right wing fascist and thank them and tell them next time wear brass knuckles if you call us during the Bermuda Triangle Hours of Phone Time to tell us.

I'm sad...
Again, we don't care between midnight and 9am.

Do you have so and so's number? I need to talk to them right now about some super important meeting about some super important mobilization....
Well then you should have called us before if it was so fucking important now shouldn't you have?

I have a totally awesome plan for a political coup and you so need to hear about it RIGHT NOW.
If you thought it up between midnight and 9am I sincerely doubt it was well formulated. Tell us about it after you get some sleep.

OMG I have the best idea EVAR for a RPG scenario!
Yeah here's my scenario. The DM's wife is going to EAT YOUR SOUL and spit it INTO THE TOILET and then put all your plate mail into a fricking recycling bin.

I'm super trashed and partying, I'll call Wendy and Pat and see if they wanna hang out!
Text. It's your friend. Use it.

But this made me laugh. If you're not opposed to the LOLconcept and religious blasphemy in a witty way, you might laugh as well. http://loltheist.com/

Comments

[carrier.livejournal.com]

Agreed on all counts. I'll do you one better: if it's after 9PM and somebody in this house doesn't know you by name, you better not be on my phone. I came thisclose to bitching out a Scholastic Book representative a few nights ago (it's only legal to call up until 9PM in the receiver's time zone, and it was around 8:59:45 when the phone rang), and when somebody from Arizona called for "Doug" last night at 9:30, after I'd told the people at that number half a dozen times that we have no Doug...I'm afraid I got a little shirty.

Sam is the kind of person that I can totally see calling people in the middle of the night someday to discuss his dead grandma. Trying to nip that in the bud.

[wendykh.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm not even a completely heartless person. If our grandma gets murdered or something and you just found out, sure, call me! But please not over one you haven't seen in five years. That can wait until 9am.

I am really glad I use my cell phone for a landline as cold call telemarketing isn't allowed on cell phones here :-D

[carrier.livejournal.com]

What about non-profits? It's legal for them to call people on the commercial no-call list, which chaps me; I have no desire to donate to the retired so-and-so's association when they're calling during dinner, and especially not when they refuse to speak to anybody without a "Mister" at the front of the name. (Oh, I'm still pissed about that!)

Sam's grandma died a couple of years ago, and he still needs to talk about it at odd times, even with complete strangers. Part of being six, I hope?

[mom4safe.livejournal.com]

I've got a 6 yo like that, though the death is more recent. I expect that she'll talk about it for a very, very long time. In fact, even if she was 12 or 15, I would expect she would need to process for a long time.

[carrier.livejournal.com]

Oh, certainly, and I'm more than willing to discuss it with him as much and for as long as he needs it. I don't think I can say the same for random elderly people that he somberly confronts, at their, "Hello, young man!" with "My grandma is dead. She smoked cigarettes, and now she's dead." Thank God he hasn't gone into that speech for a while, but he did sort of scowl at his best friend's grandparents a few nights ago when he was introduced to them, and I could just see what was going through his mind. :-(

[mom4safe.livejournal.com]

In defense of the scholastic folk, they don't dial the numbers. It's dialed for them and they get to pick up the phone just like you do. If they don't, it can be problematic for future job security. FWIW.

I hate it too. And, I don't answer the phone at any time of day if I don't want to talk with someone.

[carrier.livejournal.com]

Yep, and that's how I held my tongue; I've worked phone lines for CitiBank and for a contracted telephone service doing surveys, and it was hell on earth. They have my sympathies, but it doesn't help 100% when the phone rings just as Gabe is *almost* asleep...

[shortyellowcape.livejournal.com]

I love not having a cell phone <3

First semester was "OMG EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE HERE! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE CLASS!!"

[wendykh.livejournal.com]

oh when we try that they call the house line.

[shortyellowcape.livejournal.com]

>.<

boo

[secretburning.livejournal.com]

AMEN! I have this one "friend" who thinks I'm his boredom-easing device. He calls when he's in traffic, he calls when he can't get online, etc. I just don't answer, but when that ringing wakes me up on one of the two days that I can actually sleep in each month, argghhhh. I've told him that I will seldom if ever answer and don't want to hear the phone ring on Tuesday mornings, but he doesn't get it. I'm just not as direct as you are, and I need to be :)